Rewind//A Labor of Love

Alright, so perhaps starting a blog with the best of intentions of keeping it up at the same time going back to work at a church 2 weeks before a large Easter Event with a 7 week old baby was not the smartest thing I have ever done (whew...that makes me tired just typing!). Buuuuut....I knew that if I didn't start, it would never happen. So apologies for the time that has flown by with no updates, but know that I am still here, still with the best of intentions of chronicling this journey!

So time for rewind...my birth story - a labor of love that I affectionately refer to as the marathon labor! Disclaimer - Blogging this fully story might make for a marathon read too - ha! But before we get to the labor part, let's rewind even a little bit further...

I was extremely blessed to have an incredibly healthy pregnancy. I actually LOVED being pregnant...until those last few weeks. Not only was my belly SO HUGE (please see attaced photo) that I was out of breath after only taking a few steps BUT I also developed a pregnancy rash known as PUPPS all over my belly. Great news was that the rash was harmless to baby! Bad news was that the only cure was delivery! I spent many a nights those last weeks falling asleep with cold wet washcloths on my belly that usually had hands or feet or a butt protruding from it - ha! But again...not so bad to deal with considering I had such a healthy, beautiful pregnancy journey up until that point.

Then came D-Day Week. I had an apointment scheduled Monday morning and was excited to check in and see if there was anything happening... I assured Kenny that he did not need to take off work for this appointment since it'd be a quick one - an in and out bp and belly check. WRONG! I was surprised when the nurse made a face upon checking my bp b/c I had incredibly low blood pressures my entire pregnancy...I cannot even remember one time they were elevated even a tiny bit! But sure enough, they were more than just a "tiny bit" elevated. And suddenly what I thought was going to be a routine check-up turned out to be a whirlwind of surprises - there was a flurry of talk of non-stress test, monitoring at the hospital, and even induction - whoa! After some talk, we settled on just doing a stress test in the office and taking some bloodwork. The test showed that the baby was doing just fine and dandy, and also showed that I was having contractions left and right! So I was allowed to return home but with bedrest orders and another appointment scheduled for Thursday. And oh - I must add, I was seeing a new doctor that I had never seen before in the practice (great luck and the reason why we will make some different decisions in choosing our birth team next time around).

So home I went...still a little shell shocked by the morning. I made arrangements to borrow my Dad's bp machine and continued to track my bp's over the next few days to show the doc should my numbers still be elevated at my appointment Thursday. After 12 weeks of a Bradley Birthing Method Class, Kenny and I realllllly wanted to allow labor to start naturally on its own time, not by induction if at all possible. Over the next few days, I actually began to feel some contractions and had some other promising labor signs (I'll spare you the details!). BP's were slightly elevated from my normal LOW numbers but nothing to be majorly concerned about, so I went into the doctor Thursday morning with Kenny in tow this time, completely confident that everything would be fine and also feeling like labor was just around the corner...

And here begins the marathon...

The nurse allowed me to lay down and rest a few minutes before taking my bp. When she came in, I started to sit up, but she assured me that was not even necessary. Around my arm the cuff went and with a few pumps and sighs of air, the bp was GREAT, almost exactly what I had recorded at home that morning before leaving for the appointment. The doc came in and when he saw evidence that the bp had been taken while I was laying down (evidence being that I was still laying down - ha!), he was not happy. After some "talk" between him and the nurse, I was abruptly pulled up to a sitting position, bp cuff thrown back on, and then bp taken again. And surprise, surprise - my bp was HIGH, really HIGH! Of course it was - I avoid conflict like the plague - ha! But I knew, I just knew, that my bp was fine! I had NO OTHER signs of preeclampsia, not even the tiniest bit of swelling. I whipped out my recordings...doc was impressed but still not "sold." So after he told me a horror story of some other mother who showed no other signs of preeclampsia but for the numbers and then lost her baby a few days before she was due, the waterworks were completely released...I was a mess, so of course, I followed his orders to go be monitored for a few hours at labor and delivery even though I knew, I just knew that I was OK.

Oh L&D Triage...tell me how in the world it is possible to "relax" and lower your BP when there is someone screaming in labor just a curtain away. Praise God that a very full triage area was quickly vacated not long after our arrival. With the support of my amazing husband, I was able to relax enough to show that I was OK to wait a few more days to let labor progress naturally (although they would have induced me had I said the word!). And oh - beautiful mountain peak contractions were occurring one after the other while hooked up to the monitor, and I was beginning to feel them more and more the longer that we waited. Again, I knew that I would be back on the floor soon but this time to have a baby!

So back home we went again! I tried to get some rest but as the night went on, contractions were becoming much more regular and strong. The picture in this blog is actually of that night...the baby had visibly dropped so low that my Mom insisted on sending a picture to my sister who was expecting a few weeks after me! Isn't that belly unreal?!?! Knowing that labor was really beginning, we tried to head to bed, but after about an hour of laying down, trying to fall asleep, I absolutely couldn't. Laying down was extremely uncomfortable. I began to time contractions on our handy dandy i-phone app to find out that contractions were starting to come about every 4 minutes, each lasting about a minute long. I only survived about an hour of this before needing to wake Kenny up around 11:00 for some help! He excitedly woke up and was ready to jump in as his role of "coach." Contractions continued to settle into this regular pattern and just after midnight sometime, I began to get uncontrollably shaky. This alarmed me a bit, so Kenny called the doctor and our midwife assured us that the shakiness was a normal sign of labor and said that it sounded like I could come into the hospital at any point. We decided to stay at home a few more hours, and in those few hours, the pain in my legs began with every contraction...

I can remember saying multiple times "No one ever told me that I would have so much pain in my legs!" The leg pain made the back labor I was also experiencing feel like nothing! When I would actully experience a regular contraction not in my legs or back (and these were few), it was like a rest! After a few more hours stuck in that in between stage of "should we go to the hospital" or "is it too early," we decided to go. Wanting to have a natural birth so badly, we knew that the longer we labored at home, the better experience we would have. But with the painful leg labor, I felt like it was getting time to go, as we had a good 35/40 minute drive to the hospital.

So after some hugs and goodbyes to my furry buddy, into the car and to the hospital we ventured. We arrived at the hospital sometime just after 5 am, settled into a beautiful room with an amazing view of the river and ski mountain in the distance. Kenny whipped out our "birth plan" and immediately gave it to our nurse, so she would know our wishes from the get-go. We were both prepared to "fight" for the birth we wanted but were very surprised at how supportive all of our nurses/midwife/doctors were. It was not long before the midwife stopped by to check out progress...2 cm. dilated and 80% effaced. Hmm...I was hoping to be further progressed but considering I was not even "ripe" 12 hours before, I guess this was a good start. However, upon arriving at the hospital, just as we expected and wanted to avoid, contractions slowed greatly. So, after a shift change to a new nurse that we LOVED and some discussion with the midwife that we also LOVED, we decided that it would be best for us to return home to be able to labor a little bit longer at home where I could better relax and eat and prepare for the adventure ahead. The midwife assured us that she would certainly be seeing us again in a few hours...

So back home we went...I decided to eat a sandwich and have something to drink as soon as we got home while things were still a bit slower. Then I thought it would be good to lay down if I was able since I had so much trouble the entire night before, but very quickly, my little "rest" was abruptly interrupted by my water breaking sometime around 11ish. So much for that! I resumed the same positions I had spent the night in, sitting on the floor and leaning on the birthing ball or hanging over it. Some family popped in and out to send their well-wishes. A few more hours passed and again with that pain in my legs and contractions anywhere from 2-4 minutes apart often lasting a minute, I decided that I did not want to wait any longer to make that difficult trip in the car. So after a quick stop to pick up my Mom, we made the venture again. This time though, contractions continued to follow that pattern, and I no longer wanted to talk through them, just breathe and try to position myself somehow that my legs experienced some relief.

Throughout our birth experience, I recognized God's presence in so many places. As we arrived on the floor, can you guess where we were once again directed? Room 8!!! That beautiful room that we visited earlier in the day. That made my heart happy...and who was still on call? That nurse and midwife that we LOVED. Now, we were 4 cm. dilated, 100% effaced and hoping things would pick up a little bit faster...

But they didn't...throughout the entire labor, they never really did. It was a looooooong, very sloooow, very intense process. It's pretty much at this point where the story gets very blurry to me. Remember by this point, we've already been up for a good 30 some hours, laboring for 15ish of those. We had an army of prayer warriors and support surrounding us the entire time...my Mom, Dad, bro and sis-in-law, sis and bro-in-law, and Kenny's entire family who was trekking from New York. When we first arrived at the hospital to stay, we were worried the New York crew wouldn't make it, but boy, were we ever wrong! Kenny never once left my side and the others would pop in and out, often much to my oblivion. It is very safe to say that I was in my own world a lot of the laboring process, focused so intently on the job at hand. Many told me conversations that I had with them that I have absolutely no recollection of. We walked, we tubbed, we rocked...walked, tubbed, rocked...walked, tubbed, rocked...stood...anything and everything EXCEPT for laying in bed. Poor Kenny - He was applying constant counterpressure to my back AND legs...this made for some interesting "poses" - ha!

We also went through many shift changes of nurses and doctors, and I can remember at one point, one doctor threatening that if we did not begin to progress on our own, he was going to call in the pitocin. We realllly turned it on then...up/down, pacing back and forth, changing positions often in the tub...and somewhere in the midst of this, I hit what I think could be called my "transition period" - a very intense period of up and down, changing positions, and the only time in my labor I made much noise. I'd be in one position halfway through a contraction and then groan LOUDLY that it wasn't working and I wanted to change. Poor Kenny chased me around the room trying to apply pressure where I was trying to communicate that I needed it but I am sure that he could barely understand my very short to the point remarks. This must have all been occuring sometime through the middle of the night when our warriors were resting in the waiting room b/c it was just me and Kenny. Here also begins me throwing up...lots and often. And oh...bladder control? Absolutely, positively NONE! I think my legs were in so much pain that when I felt like I had to go, there was no way I was walking to the bathroom. I literally just let it loose anywhere and everywhere...thinking back on this - how gross - ha! The nurse would pop in and out but pretty much let us "do our thing." And again b/c everything was blurry, I remember hearing 6 cm. at one point and the 9 1/2 the next with just a lip of cervix left.

9 1/2...allllmoooooossst there and so ready for some relief. Looking back on the facebook pages of our warriors, I think this occurred somewhere around 2 AM bc they were sending updates that they were waiting to get the news that I would soon be pushing. Instead, hour after hour after hour after hour passed. Suddenly contractions started to space out some but were incrediblllly looong when I did have them, like 5+ minutes long. We had another shift change to our final nurse, another one that I LOVED. She was incredibly supportive and encouraging, but Kenny and I were reaching pure exhaustion. I mean that "can't feel your face" delirious kind of exhaustion. Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, my Mom and Kenny's Mom came back to check in on us and both ended up staying for the long haul bc we NEEDED them. Now, there was a mom on each side of my back applying pressure and Kenny at the top front of my legs. All that I could do was stand or rock...no more walking at this point and certainly NO LAYING DOWN. That was excruciating.

I can't tell you how badly I wanted to feel that "urge to push" that everyone says you will get and just know. But I didn't...ever. Believe me, I waaaanted to push, felt some pressure, but never got that overwhelming "can't hold it back" urge. My nurse assured me that not everyone felt this but that she was sure that I had to be close. When shifts had changed hours before, the previous doctor warned the new doctor to get washed up and ready bc my baby would be coming VERY SOON. So we decided to do another check. Checks at this point were horrible...bc contractions were lasting so long and I hated to be in a laying down position, it would take me a looooong time to get positioned and then a looooooong time before I'd let them get their hands anywhere near me! Needless to say, they were very, very patient. But still...a lip of cervix left and a discovery that the baby was positioned transverse against my pelvis, explaining the intense back and leg labor. The nurse wanting us so badly to be able to finish what we had been fighting so hard for hours/days tried to force the lip over baby's head during a contraction with her hand. I do not think that I need to tell you how that felt...gives me chills just typing! No success...

She left and in a few minutes the doc was sitting in the chair, staring at me absolutely worn down on every level! It was decision time...we were well past the 24 hour mark since my water had broke and had been "stuck" at 9 1/2 for 8+ hours. I was delirious, absolutely exhausted. In fact, I felt like if they had told me that I could push right then n there that there was no way I'd be able to. And the exhaustion scared me...not only was I wondering how in the world I was going to finish this but I knew that the end of labor was the beginning of caring for a new baby. We were now closing in on 40 hours of labor and had been up for over 2 days straight. In my exhaustion, I began asking for a c-section but a wise doc assured me that if I could just get some rest, I'd be able to finish the job. I absolutely knew that I could not take pit w/ no other interventions at this point. So after some discussion between Kenny and I and with the nurse we had great respect for, we decided to give in to the epidural and pitocin that we so badly battled to avoid. The time between making this decision and the anstesiologist arriving to our room seemed foreverrrr....now that we had made the decision, I was ready for relief. I could barely move in bed, just cry through the looooooong painful contractions.

I have to admit that the relief I felt from the pain in my legs was HEAVENLY. And I am sure that as soon as that pitocin got started, I was probably complete and ready to push. But thankfully, everyone vacated our room and just allowed us to rest. Kenny got some food and was out in a matter of a seconds. I dozed in and out of sleep. It's hard to fall into a deep sleep when you know you will be waking to birth a baby in just a short amount of time...

By the grace of God, we both woke, completely ready and excited for the task at hand. I was able to feel my belly tighten with every contraction. A check assured that I indeed was 10 cm. and ready to go. Originally, Kenny and I had decided it would just by me and him in the room when it came time to push. BUT after the hours our Moms spent applying counterpressure and enduring my many vomiting and peeing escapades, we decided it was only right that we invite them in to witness the birth of their grandson. To say they were thrilled was an understatement. And their encouragement and enthusiasm proved to be the extra push that we needed to finish!

I began pushing on my back but because of baby's position, was quickly encouraged to push on my side, which I actually ended up preferring anyways. Our nurse was SO HELPFUL but also gave us our distance as well - she was perfect for us! Even though I had an epidural at this point, I still knew when I was having a contraction and could feel where I needed to push. After some time though, the baby's heart rate began to drop (he did this a few different times throughout the labor), so I had to use the oxygen mask in between pushing contractions. Then the dr. stopped in to warn me that should the baby's heart rate drop anymore, we'd have to use the vacuum...

And let me just tell you that at the sight of that contraption, I began to push with everything I had! My nephew, Austin was born with the vacuum, and it was not a pretty sight. Flashbacks suddenly made me not care what happened to my body - I was going to push that baby out with all that I had! And sure enough I did - not long after the vacuum was threatened - the dr. was called back in to deliver our precious baby boy... All in all, I think I pushed somewhere around 1 1/2 hours but it felt like 20 minutes! And then he was finally, finally, finally here...all 8lbs. 10 oz., 21 inches of him!

And so there you have it - the marathon labor of love! Part of the reason that it took me so long to blog it all was that for a good while afterwards, I was a bit "traumatized" by the whole experience. While I've reconciled it, I think I will always question why my body just didn't finish. And starting motherhood on sheer exhaustion was really, really hard. It took weeks before I started to feel like myself again. But as I did, I slowly began to look back on the entire experience with different eyes... While it was by far the most intense thing I have ever been through, I do not think there is a time I had ever felt so much love and so much peace. The constant stream of praise music softly playing in our room...my husband who did not leave my side once...our packed out waiting room of prayer warriors (the longer the labor, the bigger the waiting room crowd got as many got sick of pacing their houses waiting for the news). It was an experience like none other...

And you know what - I'd do it all again in a heartbeat for Caleb and will definitely do it again in the future. And many have asked now that I have experienced both my share of "natural labor" and the relief of an epidural - what I will do next time...and call me crazy, but I again will attempt to labor naturally. It's absolutely amazing the way that God created a women's body to labor - an experience that is hard to put into words - and I actually look forward to experiencing it again (it's easier to say that now that I am a good 5 months removed - ha!).

So ended the marathon labor and began the journey of motherhood...and here's to a blog to start chronicling this amazing adventure!