The Rainy Day Dilemma...
Today, we actually had a delightful day together. Happy, Content, Super Sweet, Silly Baby :)...but Monday a week ago was a different story...
Rewind/////Monday, March 21
Monday. Rainy Day. Overtired Baby from a FULL weekend. Overstressed Mama coming up on an extremely busy season at work. Add these all together, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a perfect storm. Yes, the clouds rolled in on Wilbur Street early this morning with a dreary forecast for the day. Caleb is 110% his Mama’s personality, and I’m finding that on days like these, it’s a clashing of the passionate hearts! But this not-so-very-good day got me thinking again about something I was too tired to blog about last week…the struggle to be FULLY PRESENT.
In our staff meetings, we are reading/discussing Richard Foster’s little gem “Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home,” and last week, this quote jumped right off the pages at me…
“God wants us to be present where we are. He invites us to see and to hear what is around us and, through it all, to discern the footprints of the Holy.” Wow. Read it again. One more time.
And of course, I had been feeling this little tug in my heart for some time now about being “fully present” where I am, so this was just the God echo that finally got my ears perked (hard to ignore when it is written out right before you!). But unfortunately, I have no great epiphany or answer, but more or less a struggle and a question to present to you BlogWorld for some input…
And here it goes…
I want to be able to “discern the footprints of the Holy” throughout my days, but how in the world do I remain fully present where I am? I’m a full time Mom serving in full time ministry. When I’m with Caleb, I’ve got multiple other e-mails, tasks, people, families on my mind. But when I’m focusing on ministry, I’ve got my own family and Caleb on my mind. In either place, I rarely feel like I am “fully present.” BUT I WANT TO BE…
Seriously, if you were inside my head at any time on any given day, you might experience something like this…
Caleb is up – I can’t wait to go in and see his little morning grin. Oh, wait, I should probably check my e-mail first to make sure there is nothing urgent that I need to take care of. Ok. Good. Off to get Caleb. Hmm…gotta pick out something for Caleb to wear today. Oh boy, I’ve got to do laundry. To do. I’ve got a lot to do today. I have GOT to return that call and make that order for the Easter event. Easter. I’ve also got to order Caleb’s Easter basket for the egg hunt. Egg Hunt. Did I coordinate with the youth group yet to stuff the eggs for the family Easter Experience. Easter Experience. Our services are bumped up on Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday – I can’t forget to communicate this. Hmm…I wonder how we are going to be able to get our family up and to church in time to get everything set up those Sundays. I’ll probably have to wake Caleb up…then he’ll be grumpy for our family Easter party, noooot good. But I’ve got to get things set up. Maybe Kenny could stay home with him? No, we need to go to church together on Easter Sunday. We’ll get it set up. Set up. How am I going to coordinate setting up the church for the movie night? Does Kenny work late that Friday night? That’s a detail that I overlooked. Details. Details. Details. …is your head spinning yet? Mine is! But that’s a little example of how the smallest words and details keep me teetering back and forth all day long between the world of ministry to the church I am currently serving and ministry to my little boy. Motherhood (a ministry all of itself) and ministry to families are two roles that you simply never shut off…
Now before I venture down this next paragraph, I need to preface it by saying that I would not trade my ability to work some from home nor do I take it for granted. We count this a HUGE blessing, but it is not easy, ESPECIALLY when it comes to this topic of being “fully present” because I am constantly surrounded by work. The laptop is often hanging out on the kitchen table as it is a prime location where I can work yet still see Caleb in almost all areas of our home. There is curriculum on my nightstand, a to do list on the counter, and a movie that I need to preview intermingled among Caleb’s favorite features! Now, I admit that I could and probably need to do a better job of keeping these things together in one place and putting them away at times to be fully present in my home with my family, but it is a daily challenge to accomplish everything with a busy toddler. I return calls while passing ball, e-mail from my phone while taking walks, and try to read a few pages of a new resource between making sure Caleb’s tray is full of food! Again, I’ll take this ANY DAY to be able to be home with Caleb; however, like I said, it does add a twist into this urge I have to be better at being fully present where I am.
Another small preface before my next paragraph. I LOVE my iphone – no really, it allows me often to get a lot of work done ANY where that I am. However, once again, my days are constantly interrupted by little vibrations alerting me to new e-mails calling my attention. Again, further complicating this idea of being “fully present” again. Seriously, I have trouble sitting still at a long red light w/o checking to see if I’ve gotten any e-mails that need answered. I have to consciously hold myself back from picking up my phone! Something in my spirit tells me that this is not good…
So there you have it…my current “God Echo” and struggle to respond to it b/c I WANT to be “fully present” and find no greater joy in those rare moments when I am FULLY FULLY completely with my family and experience those “footprints of the Holy”. Caleb…and Kenny deserve my best! Yet, I also feel this responsibility to be more present (I say more present b/c I do not believe that as a Mom, I could or should ever not have Caleb “with” me) at times in ministry as well. I bare my heart and current struggle with you all, hoping it will either encourage you in a similar situation OR b/c one of you out there in Blog World may have an incredible insight for me!
And now back to the forecast…I’m happy to report that the clouds did clear both literally and figuratively over Wilbur Street this afternoon. A good nap for the little one. A few things crossed off this week’s “To Do list” for the Mama. Some sunshine breaking through the cloud conveniently when Daddy arrived home. Add these all together and it was a recipe for a sunshinier (it’s a word in my book) afternoon. Predictions for a better day tomorrow!
[FYI: "Tomorrow" was actually not a better day - I actually ended up getting my first ever speeding ticket making me over 20 minutes late to a meeting b/c I had to get myself "composed" enough to enter - haha. ...but Wednesday was better :) ]
Rewind/////Monday, March 21
Monday. Rainy Day. Overtired Baby from a FULL weekend. Overstressed Mama coming up on an extremely busy season at work. Add these all together, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a perfect storm. Yes, the clouds rolled in on Wilbur Street early this morning with a dreary forecast for the day. Caleb is 110% his Mama’s personality, and I’m finding that on days like these, it’s a clashing of the passionate hearts! But this not-so-very-good day got me thinking again about something I was too tired to blog about last week…the struggle to be FULLY PRESENT.
In our staff meetings, we are reading/discussing Richard Foster’s little gem “Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home,” and last week, this quote jumped right off the pages at me…
“God wants us to be present where we are. He invites us to see and to hear what is around us and, through it all, to discern the footprints of the Holy.” Wow. Read it again. One more time.
And of course, I had been feeling this little tug in my heart for some time now about being “fully present” where I am, so this was just the God echo that finally got my ears perked (hard to ignore when it is written out right before you!). But unfortunately, I have no great epiphany or answer, but more or less a struggle and a question to present to you BlogWorld for some input…
And here it goes…
I want to be able to “discern the footprints of the Holy” throughout my days, but how in the world do I remain fully present where I am? I’m a full time Mom serving in full time ministry. When I’m with Caleb, I’ve got multiple other e-mails, tasks, people, families on my mind. But when I’m focusing on ministry, I’ve got my own family and Caleb on my mind. In either place, I rarely feel like I am “fully present.” BUT I WANT TO BE…
Seriously, if you were inside my head at any time on any given day, you might experience something like this…
Caleb is up – I can’t wait to go in and see his little morning grin. Oh, wait, I should probably check my e-mail first to make sure there is nothing urgent that I need to take care of. Ok. Good. Off to get Caleb. Hmm…gotta pick out something for Caleb to wear today. Oh boy, I’ve got to do laundry. To do. I’ve got a lot to do today. I have GOT to return that call and make that order for the Easter event. Easter. I’ve also got to order Caleb’s Easter basket for the egg hunt. Egg Hunt. Did I coordinate with the youth group yet to stuff the eggs for the family Easter Experience. Easter Experience. Our services are bumped up on Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday – I can’t forget to communicate this. Hmm…I wonder how we are going to be able to get our family up and to church in time to get everything set up those Sundays. I’ll probably have to wake Caleb up…then he’ll be grumpy for our family Easter party, noooot good. But I’ve got to get things set up. Maybe Kenny could stay home with him? No, we need to go to church together on Easter Sunday. We’ll get it set up. Set up. How am I going to coordinate setting up the church for the movie night? Does Kenny work late that Friday night? That’s a detail that I overlooked. Details. Details. Details. …is your head spinning yet? Mine is! But that’s a little example of how the smallest words and details keep me teetering back and forth all day long between the world of ministry to the church I am currently serving and ministry to my little boy. Motherhood (a ministry all of itself) and ministry to families are two roles that you simply never shut off…
Now before I venture down this next paragraph, I need to preface it by saying that I would not trade my ability to work some from home nor do I take it for granted. We count this a HUGE blessing, but it is not easy, ESPECIALLY when it comes to this topic of being “fully present” because I am constantly surrounded by work. The laptop is often hanging out on the kitchen table as it is a prime location where I can work yet still see Caleb in almost all areas of our home. There is curriculum on my nightstand, a to do list on the counter, and a movie that I need to preview intermingled among Caleb’s favorite features! Now, I admit that I could and probably need to do a better job of keeping these things together in one place and putting them away at times to be fully present in my home with my family, but it is a daily challenge to accomplish everything with a busy toddler. I return calls while passing ball, e-mail from my phone while taking walks, and try to read a few pages of a new resource between making sure Caleb’s tray is full of food! Again, I’ll take this ANY DAY to be able to be home with Caleb; however, like I said, it does add a twist into this urge I have to be better at being fully present where I am.
Another small preface before my next paragraph. I LOVE my iphone – no really, it allows me often to get a lot of work done ANY where that I am. However, once again, my days are constantly interrupted by little vibrations alerting me to new e-mails calling my attention. Again, further complicating this idea of being “fully present” again. Seriously, I have trouble sitting still at a long red light w/o checking to see if I’ve gotten any e-mails that need answered. I have to consciously hold myself back from picking up my phone! Something in my spirit tells me that this is not good…
So there you have it…my current “God Echo” and struggle to respond to it b/c I WANT to be “fully present” and find no greater joy in those rare moments when I am FULLY FULLY completely with my family and experience those “footprints of the Holy”. Caleb…and Kenny deserve my best! Yet, I also feel this responsibility to be more present (I say more present b/c I do not believe that as a Mom, I could or should ever not have Caleb “with” me) at times in ministry as well. I bare my heart and current struggle with you all, hoping it will either encourage you in a similar situation OR b/c one of you out there in Blog World may have an incredible insight for me!
And now back to the forecast…I’m happy to report that the clouds did clear both literally and figuratively over Wilbur Street this afternoon. A good nap for the little one. A few things crossed off this week’s “To Do list” for the Mama. Some sunshine breaking through the cloud conveniently when Daddy arrived home. Add these all together and it was a recipe for a sunshinier (it’s a word in my book) afternoon. Predictions for a better day tomorrow!
[FYI: "Tomorrow" was actually not a better day - I actually ended up getting my first ever speeding ticket making me over 20 minutes late to a meeting b/c I had to get myself "composed" enough to enter - haha. ...but Wednesday was better :) ]
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